Settle for Gorgeous

“The beginning is painful, the middle is messy, and the ending is gorgeous.” The 5AM Club

On a recent, long drive I had all sorts of time to think...I thought about life, my goals and dreams, my current status, and where I want to be down the road...As I said, it was a long drive, so I had a couple of hours...

Initially, my thoughts centered around struggles, frustrations, areas of “stalemate,” and crazy dreams and ideas of things that I “want” to do even though I know I won’t actually do them. 

Major parts of me want to run away from everything that’s hurting me. Other parts want to throw in the towel, stop doing anything worthwhile, and just shut down. Another part wants to fight...fight dirty. To lash out at those I feel like don’t appreciate me the way they should and to let fly with all of the areas I feel like they’re failing in their own endeavors...and a small part, an embarrassingly small part, wants to fight, but nobly. To fight with excellence, patience, and love.

Driving through the night, weaving through construction zones and interstate interchanges, my thoughts seemed to follow suit...Flowing from one lane of thought to another...as objectively as possible, I examined them. And, I couldn’t help but be struck by the paradox, the dysfunction, the misalignment of it all...

I don’t “wanna” do anything anymore, but at the same time, I don’t want to quit. I refuse, in fact...

Since I had time, I decided to dive into that a bit...

What is it about humanity that consistently seems to drop most of us in this same place? I’ve talked to so many people and come to the conclusion that most of us visit this particular brand of purgatory time and time again. We find ourselves racing through life like those remote-controlled Hot Wheels cars that go from zero to full speed at the half-press of a button, and then just as quickly we find ourselves like those same Hot Wheels cars careening off the track because we failed to know when to let off the gas a bit and lean into the corner...

Time and again, it’s easy to land outside the track, in the dark, upside down and confused...We hear the progress and the possibilities just on the other side of that barrier, we want to experience it, but we’re not sure if we have the mental, spiritual, or emotional bandwidth to “just try one more time.”

From this dark place, it’s hard to see the light, and frankly, it’s really easy to convince ourselves that we “don’t care.” But if that’s true, what about that small, noble part that whispers with intensity, “Fight on...”?

What about that vein of grit that seems to harden in our spines (and sometimes in our heads) and revs up the ol’ adrenaline production systems to prep us for another round in the ring or another lap around the track?

Wrestling with this concept, I’ve come to realize that this isn’t about survival...We hear about the fabled human “survival instinct” that stories tell us enables miraculous feats, but this goes beyond that. This is an instinct for impact. Something hand-carved into the dust that formed us from the “foundation of the world,” and that calls to us to live a life that’s larger than anything we can imagine. 

It’s not just about surviving, it’s about impacting our world and leaving behind a legacy that someone else can come along and build upon. I’m not 100% on what all those other voices are - maybe my demons, maybe past hurts, maybe whispers behind my back I’ve unconsciously assimilated into my identity or self-worth - but they don’t lead me anywhere worthwhile...In fact, they leave me circling the track from outside the fence hating those strong enough to brave the spotlights and intensity of what’s going on on the inside.

If you find yourself in the same place, if this sounds familiar at all, I’m here to tell you that you have a choice. 

You’ve been created for a purpose - we all have. You have gifts, talents, and specific abilities crafted into the fibers of your DNA that hold the potential for things that only you can accomplish. But, you have to make a decision - are you going to brush the dirt, blood, and scabs from previous wipeouts off, square your shoulders, and do the hard things that are going to take you around that track in a way no one else can? Or are you going to settle for the bitter soreness of never-ending disappointment as you listen to the cheers and taste the excitement of those around you as they tap into who they are created to be and accomplish incredible things?

I have no choice but to fight on...to scrape off those rough edges, to forgo my pity party, and to get back into the race...it’s not always fun, it’s almost always painful, but the alternative is a life spent waiting for something to happen that’s never going to appear.

Like the quote I started with, the beginning is painful, the middle is messy, and the ending will be gorgeous.

No matter which stage you are in, I hope that you’ll join me, embrace the challenges, and keep fighting your fight.

Are you in?