Pick Your Hard | Two Step Formula to Improve Discipline
It literally just happened to me the other day…are you ready for this ridiculous level of transparency and rawness? Honestly, I’m not sure if I am, but I’m going for it anyway.
I was doing some work with a couple of people and we all stopped to grab lunch at a local restaurant. As always, I was met with the decision-making moment where I had to pick “eat healthy or not.” As always, I picked not…Now, if you know me, you’re probably thinking, “Idiot! You OF ALL PEOPLE need to pick the healthiest option available!” And, believe me, I know…Dealing with my unhealthy relationship with food has been a battle since elementary school. It’s been a losing (or gaining…depending on how you look at it) battle for as long as I can remember.
Anyways, as I happily munched on my calzone, talked basketball and sports, a companion happily munched on his salad across from me. I gave it a passing thought and nothing more until a few moments later as I climbed into the van with some difficulty and settled uncomfortably into the seat. That’s about the time that it hit me (for the millionth time)…”Michael, you get to pick your hard.”
See, for some reason, some deep, dark, dysfunctional part of me feels like it’s easier to fit into this perceived norm of ordering normal food rather than “diet” food. Somehow, I feel like if I don’t make a fuss, keep my head down, and order something similar to everyone else, no one will notice my obesity and I can continue playing it off without anyone else realizing the struggle going on inside.
Trades that Don’t Make Sense
So, I make the trades that don’t make sense… I decide that I’ll order a calzone rather than a salad, but I’ll choose the embarrassing difficulty of getting into and out of a vehicle. I’ll choose the easy food option with friends so I’m “not that guy,” but will lag behind a simple walk from this place to the next. I’ve always considered myself a somewhat objective person with a reasonably passable level of intelligence, but I’ve got to be honest with this…I CANNOT figure myself out on this one. It’s a brokenness that’s painful on almost every level and one that I’m sick and tired of having to fight through 2-3 times a day, 7 days a week, 52 weeks a year…
As I’ve pondered this crazy paradox over the past number of days, I’ve had to acknowledge that I’m making decisions every single day without actually considering the context and the consequences of those decisions, and I have the feeling that I’m not alone in this. See, every single one of us is broken in some way. While we might have certain components of our life sorted and working like well-oiled machines, we all have areas that are dysfunctional and messed up to the point that we don’t even make sense to ourselves!
So, what are we to do?
Step one, as with most everything, is simple acknowledgment. Acknowledge your struggle. Say it out loud, write it down, force yourself to stare at it directly in the face, and get to know it. If you are anything like me, you’ve gotten to the point you’re at by acknowledging it as far back in your mind as possible and then moving on quickly before you have much of a chance to think about it. You feel guilty, ashamed, angry at yourself and maybe others, hopeless, and despair ever getting over it. Believe me, I know that feeling, but if you want to move forward the acknowledgment has to be there and it has to be real.
Look at your “bad trades” from every angle. WHY are you trading that tasty food that you know is going to pack on pounds and make you feel WORSE instead of picking the healthier choice and knowing that you are going to feel better in the long run? Take the time to think through your emotions, your thought processes, and the outcomes. The more detailed and specific you are, the more empowered you will be to make a change.
Once you’ve wrapped your mind around the decisions that are tripping you up and those bad trades that you’ve been making, it’s time to go to work. As I work through all of the areas in my life that are completely broken, I’m finding that building discipline comes down to a pretty simple process:
Make decisions early
Remove barriers to follow through.
So, step two becomes making your decisions early. Each morning or evening, take time to look at the potential for “bad trades” that you’ll face in the coming 24 hours. Visualize yourself in those moments, play through the emotions you know you’re going to face, the objections people will give you to justify your bad decisions FOR YOU, and how you are going to overcome them. Prepare for those moments like you’re preparing for a test in school or a presentation on the job. Be ready to stand firm and make up your mind EARLY.
And, finally, try to remove barriers to follow through, whatever that looks like…By this point, you should have a fairly clear idea of the weakness you are looking to overcome and the areas that are going to make it more difficult for you. Play through the scenarios in your mind and set yourself up to follow through on your early decisions. Take lunch with you, do some preliminary research on a menu, leave your wallet at home, bring an accountability buddy, etc. Depending on your goals and what you are looking to overcome, prepare yourself and your environment for success as much as you possibly can.
Pretty straightforward, right? Ultimately, it’s a simple principle. Like so many paradoxes that we are surrounded by in life, it’s the execution that provides the result.
Every decision you make is an exchange - exchanging something NOW for something LATER. Caloric intake now for health or the lack thereof later. Purchases now for debt later. Freedom of expression now for damaged relationships later. And so on…What trades are you making and how can you make better ones?
I don’t have my act together on this, I’ll readily admit. But I want to. I’m in this fight for myself and for others. I’d love to tackle this with all that are interested. So, tag along, chime in, share this with someone you think will appreciate it, subscribe…It’s going to be a wild ride, this roller coaster of self-improvement, but I’m confident it’s going to be exhilarating throughout and that the ending is going to be worth the ups and downs!